“I don’t know what my calling is, but I want to be here for a bigger reason. I strive to be like the greatest people who have ever lived” ~ Will Smith
I know it hurts,
Because we all feel the same thing
But we experience them in different ways.
Reality is that,
The effect appears in various shapes
But in all forms that we can still identify
That we have changed
And our lives have changed
The transition into this definition of adulthood
The definition of independence
The definition of happiness
We too have changed
When did I become a beggar,
When did all I strive is to serve someone?
When did I become stubborn to change?
When did it become uncomfortable to make mistakes?
When did I become afraid of making decisions?
Why does it feel like I am being tested from every corner?
Is not that I am losing faith
It feels that I might be losing a piece of myself
Why does it crawl on my skin?
Why does it taunt me?
It is difficult to describe
Am I ashamed?
Do I feel fear?
Why do my eyes water when I glance back at life?
It seems so easy to stare at a screen
To form an escape
To pretend that reality is not happening
Sedative
Let me rest my eyes and not wake up
No, not death
But a deep rest
No, not depressed,
Just… heavy
No, I do not feel the calories
It is just my heart is heavy
My thoughts haunt me
Thought of what I should be and where I am
We strive for a goal
But… what if things appear later than expected
How should I see things?
How shall I judge such events?
My heart is heavy
Not because I am sad,
But because of the burning emotions of despair
Of surrender
That maybe we are still figuring out some form of uncertainty
No matter what age
So be
Be present
Be here
Be happy
Because at the end,
We will look back and see what we have placed value
How objects had ruled our life
How we missed the blessings cause we focused on what we didn’t attain
We focused on what we didn’t have
We lost sight of what had been carved
Right in front of us
From the baby sitting across and smiling
To the support of the father for his son,
Not lost in life
But life in a loss
Where living is absent
And surviving is the ultimate
So as we figure out one day at a time to this thing called life
May we remember that we only got now
Not tomorrow
Not later
Not in 5 years,
But now
While your hearts are heavy
While you are looking for answers
Keep on moving
Cause steps create doors
Doors create gateways
Gateways create pinnacles
And pinnacles creates a foundation
To be extraordinary
To show you that there was a reason for those times
For uncertainty carving out gifts
And while you nurtured that gift,
You birthed the dream
To all that seem lost
Life will always have an object of uncertainty
Do not fear
Peel every layer of fear
And find that confidence and worthy self
And let love guide you
To who you are
©Kihek
Kimberly Ihekwoaba 